28 Aug Empower Your Life By Embracing Your Core Values
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO AVOID?
Have you ever asked yourself what really guides the decisions and choices you make in your life? Why you select one situation over another? For instance, choosing to be a stay-at-home mother over pursuing a full-time career? Getting married instead of co-habiting? Staying in a job you detest? Or, why it is that some choices you make do not sit well with you, even though on the surface they would appear to give you an easier life? For example, observing your manager bullying a junior member of the team, but you choose to “stay out of it”, even though it makes you uncomfortable.
The answer is your values. In its broadest sense, values are basic and fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate your attitudes or actions, helping you determine what is important, like an “evaluation filter”. Values provide the principles that help you to decide what is right and wrong and how to act in various situations. They also help you decide how youfeel about your actions.
Cultural values are the norms accepted by members of religions or societies and reflect what is important, good or bad in each situation. Personal values are reflections of your needs, desires and what you care about most in life. You can think of them as categories for all your preferences in life i.e. work, family, relationships, health and finances. Your personal values furnish you with broad guidelines for all aspects of your life.
Personal values shape your character and reside in the core of your identity; they are a significant part of what defines you as a person. They have a primary influence on your behaviour and attitude and provide the motivation to achieve your goals.
Both types of values operate in the background and influence everything that you do, it mostly happens on autopilot. You just know instinctively what sits well with you and what doesn’t. What motivates you and what doesn’t.
There are numerous benefits associated with being aware of your core values and living in alignment with them.
The trouble is, most of us are not consciously aware of our personal value system so we don’t understand what is most important to us. Even though it’s subconsciously directing us, sending messages to our mind, body and emotions about what we want, think and feel. We often override this and instead, focus on what our society, culture and media values, idealising about what we should value and then we try to fit in.
Psychologist Carl Rogers coined the phrase incongruence to explain the conflict of having feelings that are not aligned or inconsistent with your actions. In effect, wearing a mask in an attempt to hide your true feelings, whether consciously, or sub-consciously.
The most unfulfilled people are those who are attempting to live incongruently with what they truly value and believe because they are in conflict with their core identity. Why is this important? The brain is focused on what we want most and what we fear most and there can be some real conflict between the two. For example, the values of creativity versus security when deciding to embark on full-time study for a dream career, over the security of a steady but mundane and unfulfilling job.
According to self-development guru Brian Tracy, someone who is confused about their values, goals and beliefs will accomplish very little. But someone who has clarity and lives in alignment with their values may have fewer resources and capabilities, but can go on to accomplish very much because they are clear about what they stand for, what they want and what they believe in.
When you ignore your core values, several consequences can arise on a personal, social, and societal level. Here are some potential outcomes:
- Lack of Authenticity: Core values are the fundamental principles that guide your actions, decisions and behaviours. Ignoring them can lead to a sense of inauthenticity. When you act in ways that contradict your values, you may feel disconnected from yourself, leading to inner conflict and dissatisfaction.
- Emotional Dissonance: Ignoring your core values can create a dissonance between your actions and your true beliefs. This internal conflict can generate negative emotions such as guilt, shame, and regret. It becomes difficult to find genuine happiness and contentment when you consistently act against what you hold dear.
- Loss of Direction and Purpose: Core values provide a sense of direction and purpose in life. They help you make choices that align with your vision of a meaningful existence. Ignoring these values can leave you feeling adrift, uncertain about your goals, and lacking a clear sense of purpose.
- Strained Relationships: When your actions don’t align with your values, it can strain relationships with others. People may sense a lack of authenticity and trust, making it challenging to build meaningful connections. Ignoring core values can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and a breakdown of relationships over time.
- Ethical Dilemmas: Core values often encompass ethical beliefs and principles. Ignoring these values can lead you to find yourself engaging in behaviours that contradict what you consider morally right or wrong. This can erode your integrity and create inner turmoil.
- Stress and Burnout: Continuously acting against your core values can cause chronic stress and contribute to burnout. It takes a significant toll on your mental and emotional well-being to consistently engage in activities that go against what you truly believe in.
- Lack of Fulfilment: Ignoring your core values can result in a lack of fulfilment and a feeling of emptiness. Living a life that is incongruent with your deeply held beliefs and principles can prevent you from experiencing a sense of satisfaction, purpose, and personal growth.
Conversely, when you become aware of your core personal values and honour them consistently you experience fulfilment, peace, confidence, purpose and effectiveness. When you are living out your truest values as an expression of yourself you are benefiting from a form of healthy self-love and care. Some of the most contented people in the world today are those whose lives are lived in harmony with their innermost convictions and values.
Without undergoing a discovery process with a qualified coach, it can be challenging to identify your personal core values, as it’s easy to speculate and idealise about what you think you should value. Knowing and accepting what you truly value takes effort.
COACHING CAN ASSIST YOU TO DISCOVER:
- What values are essential to your life
- What values represent your primary way of being
- What values are essential to supporting your inner-self
- How to live in alignment with your core values to minimise inner conflict and achieve your desired goals.
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Eliminate stress, burnout and inner conflict and connect with who you really are. Register for my six-month intensive coaching programme to gain the insight and confidence needed to reinvent with intent, creating a roadmap to fulfil your unique purpose.
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